Talk with your partner about why hedidnt invite you along onthe trip. He may make it seem like you are choosing your career over your marriage, which of course causes you to feel guilty, but as my good friend said recently youre not choosing your career over him, youre choosing yourself over him. Im trying to take that advice to heart OP, hope you can too! Should I take him into account? I guess it's doable, but I wouldn't do it. No matter how cool your parents are, money always comes with obligations. Right!? If you do this, he will *hate* it; I did, and so did my Mother, when I started doing this. My only regret about that trip was that it was so last-minute I couldnt get a ticket for my boyfriend, who has never been to Vegas and would have also enjoyed wandering through the hotels and playing a few slots for the free drinks. Because thats the only possible response to that stunt. But honestly? The base issues came out to be general worrying about me travelling by myself (tons of catastrophic what if scenarios) and FOMO (shes having such a great time without me). Of course, this is all conjecture. I dont understand giving up agency as an adult just because I got married. The same counselors that would demand that the woman submit would also tell the husband to man up and provide for his wife. Business trips are the only time I like going to Vegas. This is part of your JOB. I go to Vegas twice a year for fun, and while you can get into the seedier side of it IF YOU WANT TO, its also very, VERY easy to not get into it all. Yeah theres a mosque and an Islamic centre, but Ive been into both for visit my mosque day and the imam was happy to talk to me (a white non-religious woman) and everyone was very nice and gave us snacks, so yeah. If you want to take PTO and extend your trip, please let me know and we can schedule your flights accordingly., Hehe even though were in DC, Xcorp still expects our employees to behave better than the politicians. Or is he bad whenever you are off doing anything on your own? Mothers anxious overprotectiveness would have destroyed me (and my relationship with her) if Id let it limit my life the way she wanted to (in the moment, when she was anxious). Of course, Im only going by what was in the letter. couch their controlling tendencies as worry and concern, because they know their victims will want to soothe and appease them, because they are just super nice worry-wart spouses who just really, truly, are so *concerned*. My in-laws (who I no longer speak to) freaked out when my wife and I got our current apartment because they found out it was across the street from the best Mexican restaurant in our city. And in 2 days Im heading east solo for a wedding. he needs to straighten hisstuffout. Many of my colleagues bring their spouse on conferences as a mini vacay for the fun of exploring new cities. Then I realized that he was not being irrational he was worried, and it was not a burden for me just to check in once in awhile, especially if I am on unfamiliar dark roads. My husband nearly had to go to Vegas for a conference a couple of months ago (were in the UK so its pretty far!) Ive visited Las Vegas several times and loved it. hahaha, further confirmation of your choice. Its fine. The follow up is what took it from possible anxiety issue on overdrive to controlling husband for me. Sorry Sketch, that wasnt aimed specifically at you. Vegas isnt a magical dimension. And I really dont want to camp with a bunch of guys drinking beer, poking the fire and talking about cars (or whatever it is they talk about). I had no other work pending and a ton of free time, so what did I do? And here we are, reading a letter from a woman concerned that her career will destroy her marriage because everyone told her husband so. Pretty much. Im not going to be lured into seedy underworld just because its there! If you find that it seems like your husband is starting to use the counselors words against you to get you to do what he wants, then leave counseling. If you're able to, I would think about flying. Oh, for sure. I deal with these irrational fears with a sort of ritual where I always leave people I love on a positive note and let them know how much I love them, since the thought is always running through my head that I may never see them again. If I died while on travel, hed get an insurance payout and be able to live without working for X months; then he could remarry or move or whatnot. Marriage counseling is good for me so I know how to commute to her and not roll my eyes and whisper not this again when she does go off the on a tangent. Our daughter will be three months Old and she always falls asleep in the car. Thanks for your thoughtful self-awareness. Is he anxious about everything, or just the fact that youre going to vegas? Ah, but you have a job, and Im guessing are presumably a more equal breadwinner in your household. He just says everybody so that it will give weight to his selfish wants. Or they have jobs that dont require business travel. I certainly didnt want to give that impression! Whenever we had a fight he would kowtow me with how everyone agreed with him and had various complaints about me that theyd apparently shared with him but never brought to me. They plan conferences there because its generally inexpensive, tons of rooms and restaurants, and its extremely easy to get aroundno real need for ground transportation besides getting to and from the airport. Make sure that appointment is booked. I loved the weird, entertaining shows on the street, the warm evenings, the bustle and cheer. My partner finds it funny that I get excited to go to Vegas for work and roll my eyes when it is a friend/social trip because he knows me so well. Other than that, we gambled, we ate a lot, we walked a lot, saw a lot of family-oriented and kid-oriented activities swam in the hotels outdoor pool. That I was RIGHT! I would bet money he didnt tell everyone else the same story he told me. Sorry if I didnt tie that up explicitly enough. But to throw the baby out with the bath water is beyond ridiculous. Either way you are not out of line; your company is not out of line; your husband is out of line. He is the one with the heavy lifting, though. Rape! And to his credit, he cut it out. Id love to see a red flag exercise at Nellis AFB. Yes, this could actually be what he really is freaking out about, in my experience. ), so Ive seen it a lot. The letter writers last trip was in February and the manager from the other thread wrote to Alison in the beginning of March, which would be right after she got back from this Vegas trip and told her boss she would no longer travel. She visited exactly once, got off in a suburb where the homes start at 300K and started screaming about getting shot at. Im familiar with the kind of irrational worst case scenario anxiety youre talking about. There are broadly different American subcultures because there are just so many people. :P. The drunk human traffickers are trafficking the dealers! Ive needed counseling in the past to deal with some trauma that led me down that path, so I wholeheartedly agree with Alison that you both face this problem head on. It means the relationship ran its course and isnt bringing the two of you what you need any more, and thats sad, but its also not unusual. Maybe Im wrong. Well, okay, then, if your mom says so!. He may be social with neighbors and coworkers, but hes not a friendly guy. On every occasion, he made rules like I could never go anywhere alone and I had to call him at a specific time every day. Maybe you call once a day in the evening to say hi, but otherwise tell him youre not going to be responding to messages, because youre busy with work. Your company wouldnt put you in harms way, and your husband should trust you enough to no cheat or do something vegasy. I was admittedly super jealous when Booth got to go to Orlando because Disney World is a lifelong obsession of mine, but I didnt beg him not to go, or tell him that all the other wives I spoke to wouldnt allow it . Sure, that could be the problem. So yeah, this isnt something that everyone feels, nor is it reasonable. The second I walked in the front door I thought this is exactly the type of place where the murder of the week happens in almost every episode. Im guessing its because Vegas sounds like its all casinos and bars and drunk parties, and if I learned anything in college its that bars and drunk parties are teeming with predators. OK! I cordially dislike Vegas. Or get off? Its better than it has been at times, but it never quite goes away. And he, I think, talked that out with a therapist eventually. Close Menu. She is bottle fed and was at that time, too, so if your LO is EBF, I'd say add more time. There are times when I feel safer in Vegas than I do my own city. Itd be easy for the husband to dismiss the wifes concerns as Well SHE wants to cheat. Might I suggest Hotwire? In Amish country. Entertainment loves to show affairs starting in the office, people lying about business trips when they have a whole nother family, etc. It took getting out (and lots of tears, letting some of the love-roots pull out from my heart with time and distance, and lots of therapy) to realize that he really was some of those things and others he wasnt, but it was irrelevant because he was still hurting me. If I squint really hard, I can kiiiinda see the objection to the first scenario (though still not really), but objecting to the second is very weird. Agreeded theres some heavy selection bias in that sample. He does worry about my safety. But where I was from, the vast majority of the people in the regionhundreds of thousands, not just a handfulaccepted these beliefs as reasonable. At such time as we see abuse brought up as gratuitously as anxiety is, you might just have a point. The ugliness. (Ive been to LV exactly once, for work. Especially when those demands result in diminished opportunities. It is ideally set up to host conferences. I just knew I was so unhappy and was starting to hate myself (but that was me! I do know some people (who have never been to Vegas!) If this is a regular occurrence, it could be indicative of a larger problem, such as marital strife. Wouldnt that bother you?. His response is not reasonable except in AAMs answer. You have to go because if you refuse, that will absolutely jeopardize your standing in the company. The Truth About Taking Separate Vacations. And thats Congo. Exactly. For another, unless the husband is a lot more clever than it seems from the letter and follow ups, a good counselor would be useful to the OP, even if it is abuse. The touristy gloss. There is so much good food in Vegas, I love it there. This was my impression as well lodging, food, and entertainment is easy to get in Vegas, and (I would imagine) relatively less expensive than, say, a retreat in Napa. Giving the husband the most benefit of the doubt possible, its possible he rants and raves and his friends all go hmm, interesting. Not seeing any benefit in engaging someone whos clearly nuts on the subject. Its possible that thats part of it given the cheating aspect, but the worried the worst would happen is a very, very common anxiety symptom called catastrophizing. He is unable to let go of these thoughts on his own, they are interfering with his and his spouses quality of life, so he needs some help. My husband still asks sometimes if hes allowed to go do things, like go to the pub with his friends without me, and it irks me because even though I know hes joking I dont like that he even pretends that I am a stereotypical ball and chain. My grandmother pays for the trip. One of my best friends took his family (2 very young children) to Vegas, and they had a great time. Counseling is a great start. Hopefully hes open to counseling/therapy, but if hes not, and he instead doubles down on not letting you travel (regardless of destination), I do think you need to consider an exit strategy. If its my wife is going to a business conference.. I know you know this, Anonymous Poster, but I want to add something to this statement. Going to the store and picking out our own groceries is the easiest thing in the world for us. At least thats what happens to *me* at conferences whether theyre in Kansas City or Honoluhu. Im betting its either a case of asking leading questions, an over-reporting of the amount of agreement received, or hearing more agreement than was actually being expressed on the part of OPs husband. Regardless of whether the husband is trying to control you, or whether he is merely unable to overcome devastating anxiety, the effect is the same: You need to keep your job and live your life like a normal person, either so you can support him in recovering from this anxiety (pay for counseling, health insurance, treatment) or so you can escape what may very well be an abusive situation. A Crappy Vacation Told Me My Marriage Was Really Over. I go on business trips. Group Owners uphold the core values of the brand by reporting content that violates the community guidelines. I certainly didnt forget that, in case anybodys wondering. Bartending is legitimate work too. Leave your phone on silent. But a counselor can assess it and go from there. So your husband just told you he wants to go away for Labor Day. If possible, Id suggest both individual and joint counseling. Advising someone that most religious counselors would agree with professional norms doesnt help someone in Bible Belt USA or traditionally Catholic Ireland or in rural Saudi Arabia. (Great people that I wish I could work with.no real role for me in what they do, though.). Is he jealous he cant go with you? Because my husband trusts me. I could care less about gambling and night time shenanigans. Bookings are open for June, July, and August family vacations in 2023, with per person prices starting at $3,699. Group Leaders communicate with staff moderators and escalate potential violations for review, but they dont moderate discussions. Its either anxiety or abuse, or both, or neither; and none of those things address the husbands *behaviour* or the OPs next steps.
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